Home was seeing my grandmother after school, frying me an egg with one slice of white bread. She shared her day, she asked for my help with chores, go to the shop and buy half a white bread, please take down the laundry, please open the gates for grandpa. I listened, I served, I was me.
Our home was filled with creations from far and wide. The apache painting from South America, the scary chinese bamboo snake that held plants. The ivory carved statues, from abroad, the spanish black hat, the glass statues of spanish dancers and a bull fighter.
I had an extra ordinary childhood, our home was full of stories that my grandfather shared, in his travels. The memory of him lingered, wafts of whiskey and old spice. The pictures, the energies, every item held a memory of his travels as he worked for Safmarine. My grandmother was the house keeper, she raised everyone basically, 8 kids of her own, many grandkids and great grand kids. Her door was always open, she listened always, the phone rang off the hook and she was loved so much.
When she died, I lost home at age 32! I cracked, I found reiki and it was an end of a journey, reaching out for a new beginning. I stepped into the unknown, I just stepped and waited for it, to unravel.
Home for me became a person, and I have lived in search of home for 13 years, journeying to India, Bethlehem, the Midlands and now Cape town. The search is over, I found it living close to the ocean, connecting to Spirit, my Ancestors, and her.
Home is a person, the sayings of the Ancestors flow from her mouth, bringing back memories of home, the laughter shared, the functions, the gatherings, the connection of belonging.
Today, is my grandma’s birthday, I remember her last birthday! I purchased the most expensive cheese cake I could find, she reprimanded me for it, but enjoyed the cheesecake.
She was a fiesty woman, she spoke her truth, she hated shopping for clothing, as she was a big woman, wearing a size 9 shoe and having to bend, in order to enter a door. She looked and felt uncomfortable in women’s clothes and all she ever wanted was for her kids to be happy and ok. She spent her life giving, everyday.
She made me, me in so many ways. She taught me to be independent, to never have kids, to be my own person, and yes! She was right about most things, like that my ex partner would be bad for me, but this was the story I needed to learn.
Home is a person, home is that person, you cannot wait to see. Home is the comfort of being vulnerable, and feeling safe and protected. Home is a feeling. Home is relying on someone and just trusting them with what you need. Home is knowing its ok to accept the love they give. Home is asking for what you need. Home is having fun, and wiping tears. Home is doing your best. Home is your partner, making you be a better you. Home is being challenged to do better. Home is doing chores you hate. Home is walking in the sunshine and holding hands. Home is laughing at the same joke. Home is falling asleep inter-twined. Home is cooking even when you are tired. Home is doing your best always. Home is not taking anything personally. Home is learning new tricks. Home is creating and working together. Home is agreeing without a doubt. Home is trusting your heart to love. Home is changing in the moment. Home is stepping forward without expectations. Home is not allowing the past wounds, to infect your present. Home is blocking out the bad joo joo people send you because they are unhappy. Home is taking a stand and fighting for what you believe in. Home is standing up. Home is finding your backbone with LOVE.
Home is Reiki Love and finding your space of belonging in you!~ for you! by you!
To remember, who you are, before they changed you.